Filed under: The Journey
Last night, I spent some time talking to a guy I had just met about penises, erections and the ever-popular party topic, smegma. That’s right. That’s how I spend my Tuesday nights these days.
The guy was actually a doctor. One I was “interviewing” to be our teener’s pediatrician. But, that didn’t make it less awkward. No amount of professionalism can overcome the awkwardness of the word or substance smegma. None.
After an hour together, I was ready to hand over Jin Woo to him and let him shoot him up with 14, 757 chemicals that were mixed inside of a monkey’s intestine then added to some cow blood and this thing I found on the bottom of my shoe, which will undoubtedly protect him from a virus that’s not even that bad but that he may or may not catch because it was around during the 1800s in London. Kidding. But, he did pass the test.
My point: we have our kid’s doctor all lined up. Yes, the kid that isn’t even born yet. All we have to do now is make sure I give birth on a day that one of the doctors I like at my practice is on duty. Could be tricky. I hear babies come when they want to and don’t exactly adhere to a schedule. It would be really helpful if Jin Woo took after me and was on time and present when he was supposed to be. That way, I could make sure to avoid bringing him into the world with Drs. Smiley and Rude Ass and instead have Dr. Sweet and Supportive or Dr. Semi-Hippie deliver him. Yes, that will do just fine.
September 1, 2010
Monday, I went from being Poppy, prego who’s expecting a baby, to serious soon to be mom. Why? Because Husband installed our infant car seat in my car. That means that today, I drove to work with a car seat base in my back seat. And THAT means one day there will be a kid in it. Whoa!
When you get pregnant, it’s very exciting. Life changes overnight, and it’s fun. You may have been trying for it for a while or it may have been quick, but regardless, it’s true excitement. Unlike any you’ve ever experienced.
Then, you go to pour yourself a glass of celebratory wine so you and your husband can toast and you realize you can’t have it. Oh.
Then, you get really tired and cranky because you are so hungry and there’s a tiny little baby inside of you sucking out your life force and you go for some coffee and realize that you can’t have that either. Right.
Finally, you get to the point you can tell people the news. Your belly starts to poke out, and you have something to show for all of the months you’ve been in secret secrecy. Woo!
Approximately 47 months later, you are tired and cranky again and hot and big and all you want in this world is to have this dang baby already. The anticipation is killing you and it’s exciting and you can’t wait to see that little teener face and know that everything is going to be okay.
Then, someone installs a car seat in the car you’ve had since you were 24 and HO. LEE. SHIT.
August 31, 2010
Friday, Husband and I were on our way to our babymoon near Charleston, SC. As usual, I was starved at 5pm when we got in the car, but I made it til six before we had to stop. We decided to get fast food so it would be, ya know, fast. We sat two tables down from a man who was eating alone, and he smiled at us. We smiled back and got situated at our table.
Next thing I know, you must be having twins. Are you kidding me?
There he was, smiling and chuckling at us. No…nope, I said. He laughed again.
Okay, so what was funny? That’s what I want to know. Geez man, do you think you’re original? Obviously not. Also, the fact that you had the nerve to say such a thing does not make you funny. It makes you a dick. Sorry, but it’s just a fact. He is lucky I didn’t take his tray and beat him over the head with it then make him lick it. Sick. But deserved.
August 29, 2010
I don’t know what it is about me that makes crazy Christians want to witness to me, but they sure do. And, apparently not just in this town.
Today, Husband and I were on our way back from Charleston/Isle of Palms when we got hungry and stopped at a crappy ol’ chain restaurant. It does have a good salad bar, so that was why we chose it. Before we could get in, we were outside waiting to be seated. Oh and minding our business. Did I mention that?
All of a sudden, this lady sat down beside me and asked when the baby was due. Not unusual these day, so I said oh in about a month. Then she asked if he’s a boy or a girl, which I answered, and then she went what the kids call ‘there’. Oh, a king.
I knew that couldn’t be good. Nobody but someone who was about to preach to us would call our unborn child a king. I wanted to say well, not really. We’re more like peasants. But, I just smiled.
Next thing out of her mouth, literally, was do you believe in the lord and saviour Jesus Christ? WTF? Come on people. I must really look like I need savin’. She went on to talk about her church and how we were invited to attend. She said she felt our hearts and knew it wasn’t that we didn’t believe but that we were still searching. Yeah lady, I’m searching for a way to get the hell away from you.
She also said that she wasn’t one to force religion or her beliefs on others. Just before asking if we wanted to visit the church’s website since we didn’t live there and couldn’t attend. Uh, no. I would really love it if people would back the FFFFFFFFFFFFFF off.
Aside from that, the babymoon was great! We had a wonderful, relaxing time and really soaked in the peace and alone time. Saturday was pretty much perfect, and there is nothing better than sitting on the beach and listening to the ocean. Except maybe sitting outside at a riverfront restaurant, watching the sun set, enjoying a nice breeze and stuffing your face with delicious food. Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!
August 29, 2010
Besides cooler temps and the impending birth of my child, there are several things I’m looking forward to in the next few months. P.S. Fall is my favorite time of year.
1-Football. Now ladies, I know some of you may not like football, but you should give it a chance. There is nothing better than watching it on a Sunday afternoon, especially with some good food and company.
There is no footballer I love more than Terry Bradshaw even though he doesn’t play anymore. He does host the Fox pre-game show (a good resource, ladies, if you don’t know a lot but still want to be included in conversations), which is equally as awesome as this picture of him.
2-Cardigans. Lately, during free time at work, I shop online for fall clothes. I haven’t actually bought anything yet. Yet. But, I am so excited for normal, non-maternity-wear that I can barely stand it. Plus, nothing’s better than a cardi. Here are some of my faves.
I diiiiiie for this first one and hope that someone bestows upon me a gift card so my baby can still eat after I buy it.
http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/sweaters/woolblends/PRDOVR~29934/29934.jsp
Then there’s this one which is just pure classic. That’s all there is to it.
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=51420&vid=1&pid=769733&scid=769733002
I can’t get the picture for this next one, but it might be my favorite of all. It’s so lovely and perfect for a Fall day. Maybe with a sweet pair of jeans that you can fit into again.
http://www.eddiebauer.com/catalog/product.jsp?ensembleId=38111&&categoryId=95&categoryName=SWEATERS–CARDIGANS&pCategoryId=3&pCategoryName=WOMEN&gpCategoryId=1&gpCategoryName=EB&catPath=~~categoryId=95~~categoryName=SWEATERS–CARDIGANS~~pCategoryId=3~~pCategoryName=WOMEN~~gpCategoryId=1~~gpCategoryName=EB&viewAll=y
Also, dudes, you can get in on this action too. If you choose wisely, that is. If you’re the right dude for a cardi or a cardi is the right one for you, you know. Don’t act like you don’t. And, if it isn’t right, for goodness’ sake, don’t try it. Here’s an example of it being right. (You’re welcome ladies)
http://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/sweaters/woolcashmere/PRDOVR~18608/18608.jsp
3-Beer. Um, yeah. I know I’m pregnant and that throughout this pregnancy, I’ve talked about wine and beer and that to some of you that may sound terrible or sound as if I’m a total boozer. Well, you can suck it. The food/drink I want more than anything is a good, solid, strong IPA. I don’t care if you judge that because they are so delicious and good and it doesn’t say anything about me other than I have excellent taste in beer. For example:
Yeah, I know.
4-Leaves. Sure, they are pain to rake or blow out of your yard, but they are so pretty and a reminder that life is beautiful. After the baby is born, we will be taking a drive to the mountains to see the scenery and show Jin Woo what all he has to look forward to as he grows.
5-Pumpkin Spice Lattes. O. M. G. If you haven’t had one of these, you need to get thee to the ’bucks as soon as they are on the seasonal menu again and partake. They are so delicious and make you feel like you are swirling around in a ball of Fall-y goodness. Yu-um!
Happy Friday, and Happy Looking Forward to Fall!
August 27, 2010
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